1. The menu is usually in Spanish, of course...which would be fine except that food vocabulary is totally different than my when-in-doubt-default of adding -ador or -o to the end of English words to make them Spanish.
2. The tip is included in the price of the food, so there is no need to leave extra money on the table unless you have a huge crush on the waiter. Unless you are at Cien Montaditos ordering from Daniel, this is unlikely. Hence, they really have no reason to provide customer service.
3. After the customer has pondered the menu for about a minute and a half, the waiter is certain that you have had enough time and aggressively tells you to order.
The combination of these factors can get me into trouble.
My hair is very blonde. I get called "¡¡Rubia!!" in the streets for a reason. Clearly I am not familiar with all the local lingo, so ultra-rapid cranky Spanish makes me forget both my native and my new language all at once. This is why I only ordered bocadillos my first few days in Spain.
"Uh...¡El bocadillo, por favor, uh....gracias!"
Because of the stress that is often involved with eating out in Spain, I love turning to the menu when it also has English translations...not because they're especially helpful, but oh, the comic relief! Below, we have some of the best lost-in-translation menu items that I've come across. This is probably what my professors have to deal with when they read my Spanish essays:
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